More than just my weight

I'm often recognized and applauded on my fitness progress but today I wanted to share with you more than fitness photos.
If you know me at all, you know that lyrics reach my heart faster than any conversation. I LOVE MUSIC. I have always loved music, so much so that I thought it was cute to rock a shirt that said "MUSIC IS MY RELIGION". To this day I think of, and thank God for the woman that lovingly confronted me about it.

I would paint my nails black, and feed myself some dark lyrics.
I didn't start out trying to listen to music that romanticized death, bleeding, revenge, suffering and heartache. Not at all.

I started out just REALLY enjoying live music. It's the best. Right? Because I loved, live bands I naturally was attracted to music that had high energy. I listened to light alternative music that got sneakingly darker. I wanted songs to refer to me, my life, and I would pursue things and people based on lyrics. 

Silly, but this does happen a lot.

I love the drums, guitar, piano, violin and would honestly worship those that were gifted to play well.

I spent thousands of dollars attending concerts and live shows. I've had some adventures but for the most part some of them were exaggerated. I was honestly "down for whatever". I wanted the world to see that I didn't put limits on my living. Thankfully God kept me covered. I would look for a lot of trouble and it just would not be there for me. He kept me while I was in my darkest hours even though I worshipped man, and lyrics and would continue to ignore him completely for a few years, he still loved and covered me.

I still really love live music and concerts. In fact I prefer buying live recordings of my fave songs and surf the web for shows in my area. True story. Years ago, I would stand in line most of the day to be in the front of the pit at night (that's the standing space on the concert room floor). I screamed for performers, and would treasure momentos from shows.

I had a drumstick collection and quite a few guitar picks. I would scream like a fool after touching a performer. Yes, I could've done much worse but like I said God kept me.

I'm 5'9, wasn't amongst a lot of people with my skin tone and at the time had very long and big hair. I would stand out in a crowd, and feed of of the fact that I was "seen", I was "acknowledged".

I would lock eyes on some band member, sing lyrics at them, legit worship them and then they'd toss me things. Silly but it was a big deal to get something that they used. I mean I did worship these people. I would wait after shows in the right spot to bump into music artists, talk to them, take pics, the whole 9. I even referred to myself as a Music Whore. Yepp, totally thought that sounded cute.

That's not me any more though. Yes, I kept my love of music. In fact it was a song by Flyleaf that brought me back into God's presence. I knew of him as a child but up until then, I thought my Christianity was something I inherited from my parents. I didn't take responsibility for my walk with God.

I remember I would sing this song by Flyleaf and try to think of a man in my past or possible future that would fit those descriptions. It was then that God shared with me that, that song was about him and his love and that I wouldn't get that from any man.

My life was rocked. I think that was the first time that I acknowledged God revealing himself to me. Before growing a relationship with the Father he was mostly my magic genie. I would pray for forgiveness, pray for sickness, and that he would get me out of my messes but that was it.

Of all the things God has taken me from I think this transformation is my most important one to date! I went from worshipping music artists to worshipping my heavenly Father.

I don't have a need to lock eyes with a performer or get a photo next to them. I don't need to be associated with someone that has talent. Talent is not contagious, trust me, I have never caught the gift to singing or play an instrument. I finally gave up on "gift" envy.

Recently I was at a Hillsong Concert and I got lost in the music just as I do overtime I worship I danced and sang and praise God. During the concert  Hillsong opened up the floor for us to leave our seats and get closer to the stage. What a great moment in worship, it looked beautiful but I didn't budge. I cried a few tears because I realized my transformation. I didn't need to get close to a performer, I was too busy feeling closer to God.

Jesus saves. He saves us from ourselves, our natural attraction to sin and puts in a place to share his grace and mercy.

I know my stories, experiences, journeys are all for his glory and felt pulled to share this one.

Yes you now "know" this positive person, with this spirit that attracts people. Just know that that's not me. That's God, that's him filling me with the holy spirit and pulling you in a little closer to him while using me. I don't have it all together, and I fall short every hour of the day. But I am loved and redeemed through my savior Jesus Christ.

If at any given moment you are in need of prayer and feel pulled to get out of whatever season/ situation you are in, please reach out to me. I would love to connect with you.

I've never posted a transformation like this before so please be honest and kind and let me know if you appreciated this post and want to read more like it

10 years ago I threw up hand symbols and screamed for performer, now there isn't a day that I don't throw my hands up in praise or use my life as a way to point others to Christ. God is so good!